I (57M) was married to my wife for almost 25 years, and we divorced 4 years ago after I found out about her infidelity. She had an affair partner for almost 5 years. She is now with her affair partner. The whole process hurt me a lot because I everything I did in life, I did it for my wife and kids, and to now find that about my wife, it just hurt me. My 2 children (29F, 26M) had known about the affair for years, and they had hidden it from me. They both felt very guilty about it, and I don’t blame them, because they didn't want to break up their family. My daughter even cried a lot, and apologized a lot of times, but I told her it was alright. They had their own life now, and I didn’t want this eating them up, so I told them to let go of the guilt. However, ever since I found that they had hidden the affair from me, I lost a lot of love for them. I wasn’t going to cut them out of my inheritance or will or anything like that, but emotionally I couldn’t connect them with at all. I also have a niece (30F) and nephew (28M) who I have been very close with, especially since their father passed away at a really young age. I played a father like role during their young years, because losing her husband at such a young age was very tough for my sister. Over the last 4 years, I have also been looking forward to spend more time with them. Both my niece and nephew have children, and they have invited me over for their children’s birthdays. They have also invited me over for their own birthday’s, on Father’s Day, on holidays. Overall we are a very tight knit multi generational family, and I am very proud to be a grandpa to their children, and we are already developing a bond. However, in doing so, I have also lost all interest in connecting with my own children. My daughter has 2 children, while my son has his first child on the way. They have invited me over multiple times, but I have told them I’m busy. I rarely go over if at all, and I’ve missed almost all of their children’s special occasions."AITA for prioritizing my nephew and niece over my own children after they hid their mom's affair?"
I’m not really interested in being a grandpa to their children. Monetarily, sure, I have been sending them gifts, but I just don’t feel like seeing them at all. My daughter especially seems very hurt by it at times, but I hope she understands the reason for this. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA for prioritising your niece and nephew but you DO need to be honest with your children and tell them that they lost your trust when they didn’t tell you about their mother’s affair.
Telling them not to feel guilty about it was obviously a kindness from you to make them feel better but you should have also told them that even though you don’t want them to suffer from guilt, you also don’t trust them.
If you won't cut them out of the will, reduce their share and name the niece and nephew. They were there for you.
OkPrinciples OP responded:
Oh both my niece and nephew were already in the will. I consider them as my children too, so it's divided equally between my son, daughter, niece, and nephew.
In some ways I understand why you do like you do. But I think it was a mistake to tell your kids to let go of the guilt. Because clearly you where very hurt by their actions. And this will never be fixed if you and your children don't talk about it and they make amends.
Of course, if you don't want to be a part of their life it's not something to fix. But if you want to have any interaction with your children and grandchildren you need to make them understand how they have hurt you.
But you are NTA. Your children did betray you, perhaps not as much as your ex wife, but on the same level. So if you don't want anything to do with them it would be understandable.
NAH but I feel bad for your grandkids. They didn't do anything to deserve the punishment of not having you in their life except being born to your kids. It's unfortunate.
NTA, but clear communication with your children about trust is crucial for healing.
Sources: Reddit
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